X Factor: Mah verdict on show 5 & results

First of all, it wasn't a good show on Saturday. Matt had the only great performance of the night; Cher, Mary and Katie were all disappointing, while Rebecca and Treyc gave predictable performances. Meanwhile, Paije was better than usual and 1 Direction were, as always, a breath of fresh air .

Secondly, HOLY GOD! What an exciting sing-off! Yet again, Wagner escaped the bottom two and after Dermot called out his name, he kissed Louis and beamed out at the booing audience, looking like the cat who had gotten the cream (that tasted all the better because he didn’t deserve it). I was happy for Mary when Dermot announced she was the last act who was definitely through to next week. I hope that gave her the kick up the arse she needed. Anyhoo, on to the sing-off - how has Katie been saved for a third time?! I don’t think that has ever happened before on the show. I’d say Simon and Louis voted to keep Katie in the competition because she gets a lot of press and the show would be a lot less interesting for the tabloids if this year’s ‘villain’ was knocked out so early. (According to Now Magazine, she is 'stalking' Matt and she is allegedly bullying Cher, 1 Direction and even her mentor Cheryl!). However, it’s clear that they’ve only delayed the inevitable; the public clearly don’t like Katie and it would be taking the piss if the judges saved her for a fourth time. Personally, I feel very sorry for the girl. Every time she’s in the bottom two it seems to take an awful toll on her and I imagine she’ll leave this show a very damaged person. I would have liked her to be sent home for her own sake – she clearly wants fame but I think her appearance on the show has destroyed any chance she had of having a successful singing career. Her desperation makes me very uncomfortable and I think she badly needs to re-think her life and where she is heading in it. (This concludes the Dr.Phil-style section of this post).

In the style war between Cheryl and Dannii, there was no stand-out winner on Saturday night; Cheryl’s hair and make-up were nice, but I wasn’t a fan of her hairband, while Dannii looked fine but a bit harsh in my opinion. The heavy eyeliner made her eyes look piercing and cold. The colour of her dress was nice but it washed her out a little. I liked the shiny satin material but I thought the giant bow detail was a bit twee. Sunday was a better night for Cheryl; I thought she looked really well in her nude off-the-shoulder dress, and her hair and make-up were refreshingly understated. It’s easy to forget that Chezza is a natural beauty. Meanwhile, Dannii’s Sunday night dress was a black, shoulderless, non-event (albeit, a beautifully fitted non-event) but her hair and make-up were both lovely.

Anyhoo, on to the performances…

Cher – A bit cheesy and embarrassing. The quarter-pipe on stage with dancers on BMX’s was all a bit much, and everything from the set, to the styling, to the actions of Cher and the dancers was very try-hard and horrifically wiggerish. I agree with Simon that it was a copycat performance. However, she did look better than usual – her hair was thankfully more compact than it's been in a while and whoever painted on her eyebrows deserves a medal. But brows aside, it was a big step down from last week.

Also on Saturday night’s Xtra Factor (yes, I am that sad I watched it) she was such a freak! She acted like she was Jay-Z (or some other arsehole rap superstar) and didn't make eye-contact with Konnie Huq, like she's above talking to her. When Konnie asked her how she felt about Simon Cowell's critical comments, she just nodded her head and looked off into space, with her jaw clenched and her hands in her pockets and then in a creepy, slow, American-sounding voice she said, "I think I needed a kick up the buuuuut." There is something Aiden-esque about her weirdness - like she has ADD or something... Anyway, to cut a long story short, she's a shit bitch!

Mary – Very disappointing. She was shaky from the first note and she had problems with timing and diction. I thought it was hilarious when she sang the word strength with the most pronounced ‘t’ sound at the end and not the smallest hint of a ‘h’. She needs to knock it out of the park next week or she won’t make the top 6, never mind the final show.

Katie – For me the worst performance of the night. She couldn’t reach all of the notes and it’s not even a challenging song. Styling was strange. Did she (finally) get her roots done or was it a wig? Why was there a clip of her in a silk dressing gown with mascara running down her face? Katie’s a mess of a person – she seems to have no idea of who she is. She wants fame but it seems that she is willing to pay any price to get it. Like, I can definitely see her selling her soul to the Devil or spreading her legs at a casting couch.

Aiden – Not as bad as his rendition of Thriller, but then the Holocaust wasn’t that bad. He was as spazzy as ever, though and he also sang a Sinéad O’Connor song on American Anthems week! I know it was written by Prince, but couldn’t he and Dannii have found a song that was more quintessentially American? The themes are constantly being disregarded this year – maybe they should stop having them. Vocally, he was fairly poor, but I liked his hair down and the fact he didn’t look as demonic as usual. I hated the ridiculously good comments he received. All in all, it was a fairly shit performance, but he's done worse.

Paije – Good song choice. The Monkee’s I’m A Believer and Outkast’s Hey Ya mixed well and while I’m a bit sick of mash-ups on the show (thanks to Cher and Wagner), I liked it. That said, he did cock up the lyrics of Hey Ya! While it was his best performance to date, I still don’t think Paije is a star. Even though he’s a nice guy, his personality is bland and one-dimensional and I don’t believe that he wants to win as much as some of the other acts. Also, him pretending to be straight on Xtra Factor was very cringey. Like, I had never really thought about his sexuality before but the second he said that the best thing about America was “fast food, fast cars and fast women” I knew that he was 100% gay.

Rebecca – Boring. She looked well in her shiny, silver gown but, yet again, she stood still throughout her performance and looked like an Oscar statuette. It was an unimaginative song choice, especially as Make You Feel My Love was already sung on this series by Anastasia "I'm going to take my shoes off and sing from my heart" Baker on her first audition. Rebecca’s like Leona Lewis – ie. dull as ditchwater - but without her jaw-dropping vocal range. She is also, without a doubt, this year’s most over-praised contestant. No one ever mentions that she’s a one-trick pony and a poor performer. They talk her up like she’s going to be this year’s winner, but with a personality that bland she’s going to finish third at best.

Wagner – Better than usual and not the worst of the night. I actually didn’t think he deserved to go this week and I would rather have sat through his performance a second time than have sat through Katie’s or Aiden’s (maybe even Mary’s, for that matter).

Matt – I will take points away because he sang The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face at boot camp, but regardless, it was a stunning performance and easily the best of the night. When I heard the story behind why he sang The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, my heart melted and I feel like I understand Matt now. He’s a lovely guy, he’s just shy.

Treyc – It was her best performance since Whole Lotta Love but she shouldn’t sing ballads because, quite simply, she has no emotions.

I was surprised, but not sad, to see her go tonight. The little bitch should have listened to Dannii instead of giving her back attitude.

1 Direction – A little bit messy, but Liam’s vocals were great as always and they embraced the theme of the night and ended the show on a good note. They’re a lovely bunch of lads – I want them to win! They’re loveable, handsome, fun and they’re the only act that has the whole package. 1 Direction FTW! They are, literally, the only act that I look forward to seeing this year. They make me smile like Jedward made me smile in the last series. (Also, my mam fancies Harry LOADS. She singles him out every time 1 Direction perform. “My God, every time I look at Harry he’s gotten better looking. Like, I know I should think it’s great that there are people my age on this show, but really you can’t beat the young ones and their looks.”)

My favourites this week were 1) Matt, 2) 1 Direction and 3) Paije. I want Katie out! She was so shit this week. If she is in the bottom two again next week she HAS to go.

Anyhoo, that's all I have to say about this week's X Factor. Oh yeah, Shayne Ward was meh but hot, and Kylie was a sexy bitch on Sunday night!

Xoxo, Robinita ;)