Okay, so first of all, sorry for fecking off to Scandinavia without giving anyone a heads up! As fate would have it, I went away just before the most shambolic elimination of the series (so far). When I got the news that Katie had survived her fourth sing-off, I filled up with white hot anger; I had been led to believe that there would be a double elimination last week (by heatworld.com, the lying bastards) so I had thought Katie would be voted off and that Mary or Wagner would go with her. I am surprised that Aiden left the competition so early - I had thought he would place fifth or sixth overall and that his looks would have kept him out of the bottom two for a few more weeks. But alas, he is no more.
One of the first things I did when I got home from Oslo, was look up Aiden and Katie's sing-off performances. I thought Aiden gave a stirring rendition of Crowded House's Don't Dream It's Over and definitely didn't deserve to go after it. Meanwhile Katie sang I'd Rather Go Blind: part four and managed to stay standing for the entire song this time (seriously, how many near-identical, sing-off songs has she in reserve?)
As far as performances go, I thought that 1 Direction were the best. It was great to hear Harry sing - I've decided that he's the Robbie of the group and Liam's the Gary. Something About The Way You Look Tonight was a great song choice and it was a full-on, 90's-boyband, Christmas-number-one-sounding rendition of it. It was, to borrow an X Factor cliché, absolutely on the money. I also love love LOVED the black and white clips of them turning towards the camera in slow-motion; it was so gloriously, unashamedly boybandish!
I wasn't wowed by any of the other performances, though. Cher gave a competent but joyless performance of Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word/Mocking Bird, reverting to type with another mash-up, complete with rapping and hip-hop arm movements. Paije and Matt were both fine, if a bit off their game, while Aiden and Rebecca gave okay but boring performances. Mary was confident but sounded like a pub singer. Her rendition of Can You Feel De Love Tonight left me cold and, not bein' bad, bu' I t'ink she needs elocution lessons...
Wagner started off quite well with I'm Still Standing but things took a turn for the worst when he switched to singing The Circle of Life. I don't understand why certain acts always sing mash-ups this series - do their mentors think viewers don't have long enough attention spans to listen to the same song for two minutes? However, as farcical as Wagner's performance was, it wasn't quite as bad as Desperation Personified singing Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting. The song exposed Katie's vocal shortcomings (although with her small voice and small range, anything bigger than Baa Baa Black Sheep would reveal her vocal inadequacies). It was a losing performance and she should have been sent home after it.
Anyway, on to my theory why Katie Waissel is hanging on like a dried shite on a cow's arse. My theory is that Simon Cowell is keeping Katie in the competition because she is a no-hoper who poses no threat to his act and because while she is in the competition, the media will focus on her instead of boosting the profiles of other acts such as Cher and Matt who could potentially win the show.
Firstly, I don't believe Simon could actually like Katie; she is the type of act he would ordinarily decimate. With her kooky image and her musical pretensions the contestant who was most like her was Storm Lee - a person for whom Simon had nothing but contempt and to whom he dealt a fatal blow in the first live show by dubbing him a 'failed rockstar'.
Secondly, more than any other series, Simon has been the puppetmaster of this year's X Factor. He has been doing whatever he can to get his own way - criticising good acts while praising weak ones, and bigging up Katie Waissel despite her weak voice, her image problem, her identity crisis and the fact that the public and the press never have and never will like her. He gave John Adeleye the kiss of death when he talked about dogs mating instead of commenting on his singing (which was very good), while he has avoided critiquing Katie's last three weak performances; choosing instead to repeat the same old shite about how he likes her because she's 'fun' and 'different'. It's as if he thinks that by saying these things enough times, viewers will start thinking they are true. But is Simon so arrogant that he actually believes he can make the public like Katie? If so Katie Waissel is his 'fetch' because she is NOT going to happen. By keeping her in, he is not only damaging the show, he is ruining her chance of a career in the entertainment industry, as well as her life.
However, Simon's scheming could easily backfire on him, because while the majority of the public would have rathered Treyc stayed in the competition after Katie's third sing-off, Treyc was dull and no one really cared about her. With Aiden, however, it is a different story. He had real appeal and real fans and that he got sent home before Katie and Wagner is unjust and it has hurt the show. That an act should get to perform in four sing-offs is bad enough, but for an act to survive their fourth sing-off is insulting to the viewers. It is as if their votes count for nothing.
If the public turn on Cowell for not listening to them, as they should, his connection with 1 Direction could hurt their chances of winning. Ironically, 1 Direction deserve to win the competition and would have had a great chance of doing so without Cowell's foul play.
For me, this is the only explanation why Simon Cowell would push someone like Katie Waissel. It's possible that she is giving sexual favours but, while I have no doubt that she would drop to her knees in a split second if she thought it would further her career, I don't see why Simon would want her sucking him off when he already has Cheryl for that.
Anyhoo, that brings my mini recap of show 6 and my X Factor conspiracy theory to an end. I can't imagine Katie not being in the bottom two this Sunday and I can't imagine her surviving a sixth sing-off (though I didn't think she'd survive her third or her fourth).
I hope to God there's a double elimination and she gets the lowest votes - I don't know if I could handle I'd Rather Go Blind: part five...
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