Louis talked pure shite all night and chose bad songs for each of his acts. I thought Wagner deserved to get the chop instead of John, but when you choose a non-song for a non-entity (albeit, a vocally talented non-entity), the result is not surprising.
In terms of the judges' style, I thought Dannii, yet again, outshone Cheryl in a beautiful, ultra marine gown that complimented her fair skin and blue eyes. Cheryl looked less chavvy than usual. Her dress was, for once, too long and while the nude pink colour washed her out, it made a welcome change from the black and/or metallic shades she usually opts for. Basically, she didn't look like a skanger on her debs night so that's a step in the right direction.
Anyway, Paije opened the show and while he sang well and performed a lot better than last week, there is still something missing. Simon was right for criticising his outfit - he was giving a mature, sombre rendition of his song and his clothing should have reflected that.
He just doesn't understand how to play the game; I mean, his grandmother died this week and he didn't even mention that in his VT? You're on the X Factor - this is no time for dignified mourning! Cry; tell us how you're granny was your biggest supporter and that you're singing for her tonight. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade; when life gives you tragedy whilst you're on the X Factor, you make sympathy soda.
Paije isn't savvy enough to survive in the competition. Like John, he has loser written on his forehead, and I predict he'll be out of the competition in two weeks' time.
John - Lovely smile, excellent voice. Crap, Q102 Love Zone song, stupid hair and too-tight trousers. John seems like a lovely guy and his vocal ability is undeniable but there's nothing interesting about him and he's too meek to be marketable.
Didn't deserve to go this week but he was always going to finish in the bottom half.
(His song was one of the few guilty pleasures of the night, but the emphasis should be on 'pleasure', Louis, you useless bastard).
Rebecca - Her voice sounded the best it has yet and there were no problems with tuning this week, but yet again, she didn't connect to the song or the audience and her styling was horrendous.
Her dress was a lurid, sweet-wrapper pink, and it was far too bulky, completely swamping her. Her hair and make-up were both straight off Jessica Rabbit and the look was Hallowe'en costume meets one of those dolls with the puffy dresses that are placed on top of the toilet roll.
Though her vocals were good technically, she didn't commit to the performance and she conveyed none of the emotion or the atmosphere of the sexy, seedy song.
This year's most overrated, overpraised contestant. Also, the song wasn't guilty pleasure.
Cher - SO EMBARRASSING! Honestly, I nearly melted with the cringiness of it all, especially when she busted her rhymes. ("Axe the people on my block, I'm as real as can be!" *sneers, grabs crotch*). Her third big production to a mash-up, it was like watching Jedward, except it was intended to be cool, not cheesy.
Styling-wise, I thought her big hair mocked her skeletal frame and the combination of heavy, child prostitute-esque make-up and casual, street clothes was strange.
As usual, she was brimming with confidence but I for one am getting tired of this snarling, wiggerette, one-trick pony.
Matt - Very good. His vocal range is amazing but I'd like to see him have fun for a change. Guilty Pleasure week should have been about having fun, but his rendition of Baby One More Time was predictably bleeding heart.
It was the best performance of the night, but it still didn't rock my world. Also, personality-wise, I find Matt quite lacking.
1Direction - Liam Payne's voice is amazing, and really mature for a 16-year-old. A very good song choice (Pink's underrated Nobody Knows) and it sounded well given the boyband treatment.
A big step up from last week and Zain sounded less bad than usual (though I think they should stop giving him solos altogether).
Treyc - Liked her weave - the plum underneath was cool and suited the rock chick image she had going on this week. It was a good song choice but Led Zeppelin isn't my idea of guilty pleasure. The vocals were impressive and it was easily her best performance so far.
Her personality even seemed better (ie. existent) this week, but in true X Factor style, her effort was repaid with being in the bottom two.
She outsung John in her performance and deserved to stay but the public are clearly indifferent to her and I predict she'll be leaving the competition in the next three weeks.
Mary - Again beautiful vocals, and her best look to date, but Mazza needs to mix it up. She should have taken Dannii's advice last week but instead she copped out and went for the safe option.
The crowd's reaction was a fraction of what it has been the past two weeks and deservedly so. She didn't fulfill the brief, and like it was a mash-up to much for Cher, it was a ballad too many for Mary.
I thought her response to being asked whether she would sing more contemporary songs showed a stubborness and unwillingness to try new things. Hopefully it was just a glitch for MaBy, but if she doesn't come out of her comfort zone next week, I'll be very disappointed.
Aiden - Mr Fucking Intense! I thought he lacked presence and the staging was bad - it was disconcerting the way he was raised above the audience and visually, everything was too busy and camouflaged in black attire, he was lost.
In terms of sound, his voice was only okay and his droning sounded Radiohead-esque at times (not a bad thing, but also not likely to go down well with the pleb viewers).
I'm with Cheryl - I would never go to his concert. Too disturbing and draining.
Bella Amie - Fairly bland. I wouldn't have been surprised if they had ended up in the bottom two but it seems that if you're in it one week that guarantees you a surge in votes the following week and assures your safety in the competition.
The tall (white) brunette is the star of the group.
They ripped off the Girls Aloud version of the song wholesale but they sang it adequately.
A slightly above average, school talent show performance.
Katie - She came across as quite likeable this week. She had fun and she looked softer and prettier than she usually does.
The song choice was refreshing and properly embraced the week's theme so she gets points for that. Also, to perform a song from The Jungle Book and not look like a total plonker is an achievement.
I know I left out Wagner but I've no idea when he performed. Anyway, I've very little to say about the man, except that he's a joke that's gone from wearing thin to wearing completely through. The king turd in a night of shit performances.
Anyhoo, that concludes this week's X Factor recap. I was irritated that only one went this week when there's still so many of them.
In relation to Sunday night's performances, I thought Michael Bublé was Michael Bublé and went through the motions in his usual inoffensive way. And as for Chezza, I think the song is shit and headache-inducing but her fierce bitch posturing has come along and it was her least embarrassing solo performance I've seen to date.
If I were to sum up this week's shows in one word, it would be 'underwhelming'.
Xoxo, Robinita
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