Well, holy God - that was a marathon first show! Lasting two and a half hours and featuring sixteen acts, it was more like the Eurovision than an X Factor live show. Personally, I didn't think the talent was so amazing this year that they had to let more people in but it did let the judges who did a bad job of picking their top threes (Dannii and Cheryl) to somewhat right their wrongs.
Alas, there was n’ere a sign (or even a mention) of Gamu, so it’s looking likely that she actually will be deported. Poor girl – if the people of Britain had a choice, they definitely would have picked Katie to be booted off and banished to Zimbabwe instead of her. There’s just no justice in the world…
Anyhoo, so now I’m going to run through all sixteen acts, category by category and give you my opinions on how each one fared in my opinion.
Groups
FYD - Surprisingly weak. I expected big things from these guys but they picked an awful song (Billion-fuckin’-aire, yet a-fuckin’-gain!). Their vocals were shaky and, shockingly, their dancing was subpar and lacked cohesion. At the end of their performance a friend of mine commented that, 'One of them should have done a backflip at the end'. I think that sums it up really: they didn't pull out all the stops like JLS or Jedward would have done and sometimes a desperate, unplanned backflip is enough to show the public you really want to be there and you really want to entertain them. The white guy with the asymmetrical fringe did have a fantastic jawline, but even that couldn’t make up for badly done Travis McCoy and so they had to go.
Bella Amie – I didn’t feel like the girls particularly deserved to make it through to the finals and their performance did nothing to change that opinion. The mixed race girl who sang lead vocals seemed self-conscious and rather gave off the vibe that she didn’t want to be there. Also, their styling was HORRENDOUS. Rebecca’s playsuit was particularly offensive. One of the many no-hoper acts this year.
Diva Fever – Simon’s shock wildcard were surprisingly decent. They had good energy and good vocals and while the colours on set were cheap and lurid, they worked well with the 1970’s disco song they were performing and the look stayed true to the duo’s intrinsic tackiness. There was also something right about seeing 'Diva Fever' in a triline disco font on the screens behind them. All in all, it was a triumph in visual communication! They clearly don’t have a chance in hell of winning but they’re likeable all the same. I expect to see them performing in Glitz before the year is over.
1 Direction – Definitely the best group of the night. They looked great and like they belonged together. Mullingar’s Niall Horan was the stand-out for me – showcasing an effortless, pure voice I had never heard before and just generally looking like he was delighted to be up on that stage. They are wonderfully unaffected and endearing and, considering the current popularity of Justin Bieber, could very well win the contest.
Boys
Matt – One of the best performances of the night. He gave a great, emotive vocal and the combination of When Love Takes Over and Coldplay’s Clocks worked oddly well. He was a little bit shaky at the very beginning of the song – the fast tempo phased him initially but he grew as he went on and he ended emphatically, displaying the most moving and impressive vocals of the night.
Paije – A strong performance from the guy that Dannii should have never passed up. He showed great confidence and his vocals were powerful, but he needs to reign it in a little and be more focused on what emotion he wants to get across. For me, it came across like Paije hadn’t gone through any plan of what he was going to do when he was on stage with Brian Friedman. That said, he 100% deserves to be on the show and his jacket was off the chain!
Nicolo – By far the weakest of the boys. The slicked-back hair was a bad look for him and he is nowhere near where one needs to be in one’s career before one can pull off wearing sunglasses on stage. You’re not Jay-Z, babes. Bad song choice as well; Just Pants! Was neither surprised nor sad to see him leave so soon.
Aiden – Well, I’m going to eat my words here because he was surprisingly good and only moderately spazzy! I fully expected to hate him but I quite enjoyed his paired-back performance in a night full of kitchen-sink productions. The set was beautiful and minimalist and rather Tim Burtonesque. He looked demonic throughout but it suited the song (to a degree) and his vocals were nigh on faultless, with him showing admirable restraint on the money notes. A haunting and original performance of a song that's been done to death. Holy Christ, I’m an overnight Aiden convert!
John – Surprisingly good stuff from the non-entity. It was a great song choice and he did it justice, giving an emotive performance. His suit was also nice and I thought that if it wasn’t for his abnormally small head he would be quite attractive. Still have no idea who he is but was happy he made it through to next week.
Storm – A confident polished performance. His eye make-up was reminiscent of Ziggy Stardust and the dancers were Gagaesque in quite a cool way. I like Storm and like him all the more because Simon appears to have a vendetta against him. When he labelled him a ‘failed rock star’, I felt that it was harsh, unconstructive and said deliberately to inflict maximum damage. Was delighted when he was voted through because I thought Cowell's comment might have finished him off.
Mary – There’s only one word to describe her performance: FABILISS! After the VT showed her crying in bed, struck down with laryngitis, I was prepared for a not-quite-amazing performance but Mazza came out with the confidence and flourish of a matador and gave the night’s most powerful and assured vocal. The crowd went absolutely ape-shit afterwards as well which shows that Mary is much loved and bodes extremely well for her in the competition. (Having the biggest retailer in Britain behind her also won’t do her any harm!).
Wagner – Not that painful. In fairness to Louis, he had slim pickings to choose from in his category and the Chilean PE teacher was the best choice for his wildcard. I kinda felt like it was Chico Time again when he was performing. He is an absolute no-hoper but I don’t find him too annoying and was glad he got through purely because that meant all of Louis’s acts were saved (I’m a big underdog man). I also quite enjoy how he talks like Puss in Boots from Shrek and looks like a shih tzu when he wears the hair on top pulled back.
Girls
Rebecca – Surprisingly weak. I didn’t feel like she had any connection to either the song or the audience. Also, while the tone of her voice is distinctive and pleasing to the ear, she frequently goes out of key when she sings and NONE OF THE JUDGES EVER COMMENT ON THIS. Her outfit was also bland (no matter what Dannii says) and the long black skirt was nothing short of dowdy. Hugely disappointing. (But the weave was fly).
Cher – Good swagger, bad vocals. She strutted onto the stage like she meant business but when she opened her mouth, she was pitchy and her diction was very unclear. I didn’t make out a single word in her mini-rap and while we’re on the subject, I think that Cher’s rap interludes are going to get old very quickly. She’s got good stage presence but I feel she is a one-trick pony and if she had to sing a song straight she’d be in trouble.
Katie – Fucking Antichrist. I hated her outfit, especially the feathered helmet, but I didn’t hate her singing as much as I expected I would. I wanted her to go this week because she never deserved to make it this far, but I accept that her performance in the sing-off was marginally better than FYD’s. She’s disingenuous and clearly isn’t liked and if she is anything short of incredible next week, she’ll be sent home.
Treyc – The best of the girls, but that isn’t saying much. Her vocals were good but I felt that she didn’t connect emotionally with her song (the Mary J.Blige version of U2's One) and she just used it as a vehicle to show off how powerful voice. As vocally talented as she is, I don’t think Treyc has the X Factor; she chooses songs by her favourite artists and tries to reproduce them note per note and thus is nothing more than a karaoke queen.
Whoa, that took me a while! My favourites of the night were 1. Matt, 2. Mary Byrne, and 3. 1 Direction, with a special mention to - I can’t believe this - Aiden Grimshaw. (Seriously, who am I?! Will I be U-turning on Katie next?!).
I’m looking forward to more double eliminations – there’s lots of no-hopers and I’m impatient for them to be gone. (Personally, I would advocate a quadruple elimination under the present circumstances but I understand that ITV want to maximumise revenue from telephone votes).
So there ends my verdict on the first live show of X Factor 2010. Katie may have lived to sing another day, but her demise is imminent and I’m looking forward to the ‘ding dong the witch is dead’ moment she is sent home.
Mmm, Shadenfreude!
Till next time,
Xoxo, Robinita ;)
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