I saw a headline on the front page of a newspaper today that said that deadbeat Irish dads who don’t pay child maintenance are being targeted by the State, but is it really surprising that young men don’t honour their responsibilities to their children when God himself got a girl pregnant and split? It struck me that The Big Man isn’t such a great role model for men considering he tricked Mary, got her knocked up and then didn’t even pay child support!
Some of you may argue that he sent the three wise men bearing gifts and that was a form of child maintenance. But that was ONE TIME and out of those three gifts, gold was the only good one. Myrrh? Bitch please. Frankincense? BITCH PLEASE! Why couldn’t he have stopped with the frankin-nonsense and just have given the poor bitch three lots of gold? I mean, she deserved a pot of gold for the pain of childbirth alone and another for being tricked (she was a virgin for chrissake! She got the punishment and she didn’t even do the ‘crime’!). Really, only the third pot would have counted as child support.
Mother Mary ain’t no ho, she deserved mo' gold fo’ sho’.
It’s not as if she was raising just any old kid, either – he was the motherfuckin’ son of God! Her life got turned upside-down, she had to deal with Apostle groupies coming into her home, not to mention worrying about her son cavorting with nasty-ass lepers and the other, ho Mary. Jesus was all about saving the souls of others; he never thought to get a job and get his mama out of the ghetto. And then she has to bury her son when he was just 32 years of age and she can’t even visit his body because he busted out of his tomb and rose to heaven? That ain’t easy!
If you’re going to invade some woman’s body and take over their life, the least you can do is COMPENSATE them.
God should have hooked Mary up with a sweet ride – she shoulda had the fastest and most comfortable camel in all of Jerusalem! But God was cheap. I mean, there she was, about to give birth to HIS son and the best he could do was a stable? A motherfuckin’ stable, when there’s an inn right next door?! God’s baby mama has to give birth into a cattle trough surrounded by cows and sheep because he wouldn’t pay for ONE night in an inn? There’s only one word for a man like that: scrub.
Basically, God is Eddie Murphy and Mary was his purer, less busty Mel B.
In short, God shouldn't be in heaven - he should be on Jeremy Kyle getting it in the ear by that detestable man for being the good-for-nothing deadbeat dad that he is.
Some of you may argue that he sent the three wise men bearing gifts and that was a form of child maintenance. But that was ONE TIME and out of those three gifts, gold was the only good one. Myrrh? Bitch please. Frankincense? BITCH PLEASE! Why couldn’t he have stopped with the frankin-nonsense and just have given the poor bitch three lots of gold? I mean, she deserved a pot of gold for the pain of childbirth alone and another for being tricked (she was a virgin for chrissake! She got the punishment and she didn’t even do the ‘crime’!). Really, only the third pot would have counted as child support.
Mother Mary ain’t no ho, she deserved mo' gold fo’ sho’.
It’s not as if she was raising just any old kid, either – he was the motherfuckin’ son of God! Her life got turned upside-down, she had to deal with Apostle groupies coming into her home, not to mention worrying about her son cavorting with nasty-ass lepers and the other, ho Mary. Jesus was all about saving the souls of others; he never thought to get a job and get his mama out of the ghetto. And then she has to bury her son when he was just 32 years of age and she can’t even visit his body because he busted out of his tomb and rose to heaven? That ain’t easy!
If you’re going to invade some woman’s body and take over their life, the least you can do is COMPENSATE them.
God should have hooked Mary up with a sweet ride – she shoulda had the fastest and most comfortable camel in all of Jerusalem! But God was cheap. I mean, there she was, about to give birth to HIS son and the best he could do was a stable? A motherfuckin’ stable, when there’s an inn right next door?! God’s baby mama has to give birth into a cattle trough surrounded by cows and sheep because he wouldn’t pay for ONE night in an inn? There’s only one word for a man like that: scrub.
Basically, God is Eddie Murphy and Mary was his purer, less busty Mel B.
In short, God shouldn't be in heaven - he should be on Jeremy Kyle getting it in the ear by that detestable man for being the good-for-nothing deadbeat dad that he is.
Can I get a amen?!
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