I thought this week's show was quite good; the rock theme wasn't adhered to very well, but that's to be expected at this stage. But while the performances were better than usual, there was plenty to hate about the judges. First of all, the salute Cheryl gives when Dermot calls her name on the results show is really starting to grate on me. You just know she's there, thinking, "Ah'm a geenius for makin' this saluute me trademaark!" I also hated when she said that Cher 'smashed it' after her first performance. Simon did his usual - going out on a limb, praising Katie, trying to convince viewers that her performances weren't desperate and shambolic - while Louis was stuck on repeat, telling each and every act that he loved them and that the public should vote for them.
In terms of fashion, Cheryl looked a lot better than she has recently. The extensions were out and she had ditched the mingin' plum shade in favour of a much more flattering mahogany colour. Dannii looked alright on Saturday, but her dress was a cheap shade of red that didn't suit her. Meanwhile, she looked desperate on Sunday night - her hair looked like a cross between a lion's mane and the sun and her big, gold disc earrings looked tacky. Also, I thought that Louis's hair was too dark this week. (He's really going to town with the Just For Men this year!).
On to the music, Wagner had a good week, so of course he was booted off. He sounded surprisingly well on his first song, Radiohead's Creep; it was a very apt song for him to sing and he gave an emotive vocal. All in all, it was an oddly beautiful performance! He is a class act. Also, FUCK THOSE FUCKING CUNTS WHO BOOED HIM IN THE AUDIENCE.
For his second song, Wagner sang Robert Palmer's Addicted To Love. It was another good song choice but the staging should have been more OTT. He looked well in his suit, but again, it wasn't extravagant enough! If ever there was a time he should have come out wearing a lion suit, it was this week. Again, fuck those booing bastards!
1 Direction - It was a fairly standard performance for them. I didn't think Summer of '69 was a good song choice for them - there's something daft about 16-year-olds singing a nostalgic song. I doubt they even remember the summer of '99... Not up there with their best performances but to use a Cowell analogy, they're like pizza - even when they're bad, they're still quite good.
They went all slow and unrock for their second song, Joe Cocker's You Are So Beautiful. I thought it was a bit of a meh song choice but the vocals were quite good - with Zain even managing to stay in tune! (On an unrelated note, HE is so beautiful...)
Nice, but forgettable.
Mary - She looked well and All I Want Is You was a good song choice (me heart broke when she said her daughter's fadder was the only love of her life). It was a restrained performance for her and I was glad she didn't shout her way through the song (as she's prone to do, sometimes). I was happy when the gospel singers and the fireworks came out - finally, Mary's pullin' out de big guns! I like that she sang a (more) contemporary song and that she's stepping up her performances.
For her second song, Mary went midtempo with Brass In Pockets, and for the first time, she had movement in her performance. She looked great with her long, sleek ponytail and it was good to see her fun side. I wasn't surprised to see her in the bottom two, but I was happy to see her progress to the semi-final, even if it was at the expense of Wagner.
Cher - For her first song, she sang the Lil' Mama remix of Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend (which is a guilty pleasure of mine). If I was being all Louis about it, I'd say it's more of a pop/hip-hop song than rock but, as we know, themes don't matter on this show. Of course, Simon had never heard that version of the song and gave Cher credit for coming up with the rap. Grrrr... The rapping was solid and impressively fast, but I thought her singing was fairly shit. To be honest, I know I can't critique her performances objectively because I just hate her so much. I hate her more than anything in this damn worlddddddd!
She sang Run DMC's and Aerosmiths's Walk This Way for her second performance and again, though while she was full of confidence and energy, I was blinded by how much I detest her. Personally, I find her performances way too self-absorbed; she doesn't want to please the audience, she just wants to get off on her own 'badassness'.
Basically, if you take away her ego, all you have is an ugly, shallow girl with a mediocre voice (who admittedly can rap). Ugh, she's a fucking scourge!
Rebecca - For her first song, she sang U2's Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For and sucked the passion out of it till it sounded like The Lighthouse Family. She really couldn't be blander if she tried, could she? Also, I hate the way Louis says the same thing to her every week - "I hope everyone in Liverpool votes for you!" Oh shut up, you redundant fool.
On to her second song, which was Rolling Stone's I Can't Get No Satisfaction. Rebecca was flanked by two dancers, both going ninety to give the impression that she herself was moving (which as we all know, she is incapable of doing while singing simultaneously). She took one of the most exciting, fun rock anthems of all time and turned it into a bland, Motown number. It was yet another inert performance and, as much as I hate Cher, I would have preferred if Rebecca had left the competition with Katie tonight because she is just so terrifically boring.
There is no passion or vitality within her; if you took away the timbre of her voice, she'd be nothing.
Matt - While I wasn't sure I Love Rock and Roll was the best song choice (after all, he has sung a lot of girls' songs already) I appreciate that, yet again, he got out of his comfort zone and put on a show. The vocal was strong and while he's still too shy to pull off a fun or sexy performance, at least he's trying (that's aimed at you, Rebecca).
For his second song, Matt performed Moody Blue's Knight's In White Satin. It was a risky song choice because it's an old song, that younger viewers aren't familiar, but Matt 'smashed it'. A beautiful, epic song and Matt's voice soared.
Quite simply: stunning. He is the only exceptionally talented contestant in the competition.
Katie - Her first performance was as bad as you'd expect Katie Waissel singing Sex On Fire to be. She didn't have the range for the song and she should have known better than to take on such a big song (especially one that isn't great anyway). What a fucking mess of a performance. What a fucking mess of a human being. She should be sectioned.
For her second song, Elf Man sang Everybody Hurts (I wanted to hurt Cheryl when she made an 'about to cry' face at the beginning of the song). Fittingly, it was a painful performance.
I was relieved when Katie was eliminated and I'm glad she didn't get to perform in another sing-off (she probably would have doused herself in petrol and threatened to set herself alight if they didn't vote her through).
What a fucking scourge she's been! Oh well, if she doesn't get a record contract, she could always make a name for herself making pornos with her granny!
Onto the results show, I found The Wanted to be wanting (and fairly fucking ugly!) while Justin Bieber danced well but was obviously miming (though I suppose Usher IS his mentor). I watched his Xtra Factor interview and his personality is sooooo dull! "I think it's important to always remember where you came from and, um, always put God first". Listen here, you little shit - answers like that might score you points in America, but over this side of the Atlantic that Christian bullshit doesn't fly.
As for Nicole Scherzinger, I thought her performance was daft, noisy and try-hard in the extreme. While I think it's admirable that she sang live, her voice didn't sound good and as the song's already very busy, it ended up sounding a mess. Also, I hated her softly-spoken, humble-little-girl act when Dermot spoke to her after her performance. You're a glorified lapdancer, love - stop acting like butter wouldn't melt.
I expected Katie and Wagner would both go this week and I predict Mary and Cher will be voted off in next week's show. To be honest, I think that this year's X Factor has been the worst series yet. Dannii is the only judge I can stand (and I still only think she's okay), while the other three are unbearable - forever talking shite and pushing their own agendas.
Also, this series has seriously weakened superlatives. The words 'amazing', 'incredible' and 'world class' have been bandied about so much by the judges that they now all mean 'grand' in my mind.
Another reason I've hated this series is because it has unleashed the monsters that are Katie Waissel and Cher Lloyd on us. I've a horrible feeling the latter is going to have a career after the show and, quite frankly, I'm dreading the dozens of Cher collaborations that are going to be inflicted on us in the next year or two.
I can't wait for the show to wrap up in two weeks' time (if there's a God, Matt or 1 Direction will win) - I'm over Cheryl and Simon and I hope to God I have the resolve not to get sucked into it again.
Anyhoo, sorry for the vitriol, but this show really has enraged me this year.
Hope you've enjoyed this post anyway!
Love, Robinita ;)
Wagner forever <3
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